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CHERYL: PENIS STRAWS

penisLuxury condos, $10 chocolate bars and artisanal contact lens solution are SO 2013. How about pastel sweatshirts, boat paintings and cockrings? Now that’s the future. It’s 2016. Brooklyn is OVER. You want the future? Let’s talk Provincetown. That’s why CHERYL’s been looking toward the tip of Cape Cod for years, for all our cultural cues and trendsetting forecasts. But when we talk about gentrification, we all know – first come the bachelorette parties, then the artists, then the gays, then the finance guys IN strollers. So it comes as no surprise that this month’s issue of OUT Magazine is covering P-Town’s epidemic of bachelorette parties with an article entitled “Bridal Party Problems: How Bachelorettes Are Ruining Gay Nightlife.”

The article states, “These bachelorettes are yanked directly from bad reality TV: loud, dismissive, entitled, violent Hummer-dealership versions of human beings. When they’re not skipping out on bar tabs and throwing drinks at the DJ, you might spot them in the waking hours, considerably more docile after a modicum of calm and shame sets in, doing a little shopping around town with an alcohol-meets-gravity-induced black eye or a splintered finger.”

INSPIRING.

What’s your stance on marriage? Pro? Anti? Indifferent?

CHERYL doesn’t care. We’re going to make you the very special bride-to-be-that-you-never
knew-you-wanted-to-be.

Bachelorette Party, Hen’s Night, whatever you want to call it — CHERYL brings you PENIS STRAWS, a post-modern adaptation of the traditional pre-wedding ladies’ night out. This time, EVERYONE is invited!! Join us for an overpowering evening of hot pink, hot cops, Stilettos on Cobblestones™, death-bed hangovers, and anything dick-shaped that is available for purchase at Spencer’s Gifts.

Grab your bestest BFFs, squeeze into something cheap and sexy, and meet us at C’Mon Everybody on Saturday, April 30th for your last taste of freedom as a mortal being. Anything can happen on a night like this, so channel your strongest gender conforming binary behavior and get ready to shriek “WOOOO” in unison whenever the DJ plays a new song…NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.

Complimentary sharpie tattoos, Gloria Gaynor on repeat, smart ideas, and a Cosmo-fueled night of debauched dancefloor disasters await you. This is could be your last chance to have fun on this earth before the ol’ ball and chain drags you down to the 13th Circle of Hell (where the walls are lined with children and lawnmowers). MAKE IT COUNT.

DJs:
GRANDMA INTERNET (CHERYL RESIDENT)
DJ NICK (CHERYL RESIDENT)

Saturday, April 30, 2016
11pm to 4am
$10 Cover
C’mon Everybody
325 Franklin Ave
Brooklyn

Facebook event page HERE