The last time you heard from us was 2018. We decided to hibernate because the world was getting too annoying. Then we woke up a few months ago, disoriented and dehydrated, and realized we weren’t dead yet. 

So we got on the subway and went to a nightclub. Turns out there’s a lot of good ones now. But once we got inside, something felt very wrong. Everyone looked so serious. On the dancefloor, everyone faced the DJ, as if in a cult, and the DJ demanded worship. In the bathroom, everyone was on their phones, checking instagram to see if something better was going on somewhere else. We immediately left in a panic and felt the need to cleanse ourselves of this new nightmare reality. 

We went directly to a shitty diner and ordered a giant salad. It had iceberg lettuce, canned artichokes, canned black olives, a very anemic tomato, and about a pint of ranch dressing in a gravy boat on the side. It also had some very stale, very pale sugar-cube-sized croutons on top. We ate this salad in its entirety, and then we sat in silence for a few hours.

Then suddenly one of us spoke up. “We need to bring CHERYL back, and we need the first party theme to be SALAD BALL. And people will come and wear a salad look and there will be a salad bar and there will be joy and laughter and good intense dance music and if people are facing the DJ too much and being serious, we will pour ranch dressing on them and they will thank us.” 

And it was good, and we felt a sense of purpose. Remind people that parties are fun. And also salad. 

We welcome you to join CHERYL on April 6 for SALAD BALL, a night of 

LQQKS exxxtremely encouraged. Need inspiration? Think Carrie, but ranch dressing, not pig’s blood. Think Anne Geddes minus the babies. Imagine what you’d wear if you ever visited the Thousand Islands. Or make it Berlin: feta-shiz, hidden valley raunch and Iceberghain. Think Antipast, crouton couture, and red onion bangs. 

As always, there will be live composting on stage by the legendary DJ Social Justice. 

Make your way to Rubulad– it’s time for CHERYL: SALAD BALL.

Featuring:
Amber Valentine
Boyyyish
DJ Nick (CHERYL resident)
DJ SVB (CHERYL resident)

Saturday, April 6th from 10pm – 2am
at Rubulad
(DM us for address)

Tickets via Resident Advisor:
https://ra.co/events/1864741

Check out the video!

IG: @cherylwillrun
cherylwillruinyourlife.info
cherylwillruinyourlife@gmail.com